How Great Thou Art, I'm mentally ill, does God love me?

How Great Thou Art, I'm mentally ill, does God love me?

When driving home one day from the usual happenings of life with little kids, one of them asked me "Mom, where does God live?" I answered with a typical benign answer, to a very complex question asked by my very intelligent little girl.

"In your heart, he is everywhere", I said. There was some silence and thinking going on. Soon after, I heard "But how does he break apart?"

I remember driving and thinking how could this child ask so many questions, and how often they were complex answers that were needed. Shortly after that conversation, another trip out in the car, and it was raining.

"Mom? when it rains does that mean God is crying?" and another, "Mom, when it's dark outside, does that mean God went to bed and turned off the lights?"

I've been raising intelligent kids, and consider it a gift. Many times, it was hard to come up with answers, and I remember one time thinking why can't they just ask me why the sky was blue.

Instead, I was asked deep questions, and I tried to give many answers that left the door open for more discussion, and learning. Children have such innocent minds yet absorb so much in the way of learning.

One of my most favorite things one of my kids said, was after I had completed some gardening. I used to have some extraordinary rose bushes. I did some odd things to create beauty in the garden. Manure tea. Egg shells. A bucket of water with some chicken poop soaking makes for a great tea for beautiful roses. So does egg shells crumbled and mixed into the soil.

One day, after sprinkling the egg shells around the rose bush, I hadn't raked it into the soil yet.

"Mom?", "Yeah?", "the roses didn't eat their eggs."

Beauty stems from within a spirit, and all of us have beauty that adds to this world.

Mental illness is a form of beauty.

The spirit that resides within a mentally ill person is no different than another's. Evil resides in this world, and from a biblical perspective, one can base this as fact from Adam and Eve. Eve heard the serpent, and the Garden of Eden soon became the world we live in today. There's a fair amount of goodness and a fair amount of evil. This is the way it is. Though one may not believe in the Bible, or God, or Jesus Christ, or how this world was created in that regard, there is one thing we all have in common.

We all reside in this world together.

The beauty lies in the diversity, and the glory of human beings.

"Do not judge, and you will not be judged.Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned.Forgive, and you will be forgiven."--Luke 6:37

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and of a sound mind"--2 Timothy 1:7

"The wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be entreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy"--James 3:17

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind..Love your neighbor as yourself"--Matthew 22:37,39

"A wise man will hear and increase learning, and a man of understanding will attain wise counsel"--Proverbs 1:5

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I am a gift, so are you

"For as we have many members in one body, but all the members do not have the same function, so we, being many, are one body in Christ, and individually members of one another. Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, let us prophesy in proportion to our faith; or ministry, let us use it in our ministering;he who teaches, in teaching; he who exhorts, in exhortation; he who gives, with liberality; he who leads, with diligence; he who shows mercy, with cheerfulness"--Romans 12:4-8 NKJV

"The great evangelist Billy Graham once said, "Don't be afraid to invest in the best Bible you can afford--for that is what you are making: an investment. Find out for yourself why it answers every human need, why it supplies the faith and strength that keeps humanity marching forward."-quote from "Falling in Love with the Bible, by Mike MacIntosh.

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When I was 16 years old, I was baptized in the ocean. I had been in a near-fatal automobile accident, but I lived. I lived through many adversity, and yet I never lost hope, actually I never needed hope. I just like living. When I was raised up from the water, I heard nothing, and saw only: an enormous, bright, white sky, with clouds parted with a heavenly light, and a dove. I was shocked.

I asked if anyone else saw that. "Saw what?".

Each time I saw the clouds parted over Western State Hospital, I thought about that day. Being baptized in the ocean where I swam as a child, as a teenager and took my kids when they were babies, and toddlers.

I saw the face of God.

Am I crazy?. No.

Did I see this vision? Yes.

Do I ever speak about it? No. It's mine. But today I share.

I saw that sky as an undiagnosed mentally ill teenager. I was a figure skater, a ballet dancer, a poet, and a person who always saw the best in people. I never held hate in my soul, spirit or mind. I only saw the person. I am still this way. I see the human spirit, the real soul. I do not see the evil, the deformity, the society based stigma.

I see you. You are beautiful. You belong here. So do I.

Taped to the inside cover of the book I refer to above, sent to me from my Mother, was this note:

"My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness..."Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distress for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then I am strong.--2 Corinthians 12:9-10.

WHEN Danny Westneat, from the Seattle Times telephoned me after I left him a voicemail, telling him that I had planted flowers in the planter[he had just written about] and watered the plants that a homeless man named Jeff planted;who died in jail--he asked me why?

Why did I care or do this? What can we do to help homeless people, and why should we? Danny was asking me pointed questions, as a journalist.

I told him, "Because, we need to help those who are hurting the most."

That was when the "Tending a Garden of Hope" column was written. That garden, is still there. So are many of Jeff's homeless friends.

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"Mom?", "Yeah?", "the roses didn't eat their eggs."
"Mom? when it rains does that mean God is crying?"
"Mom, where does God live?"
"But how does he break apart?"
"Mom, when it's dark outside, does that mean God went to bed and turned off the lights?"
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peace and love,
Stephany