soulful sepulcher: Mindfulness in crisis, bad things happen to good people

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Mindfulness in crisis, bad things happen to good people

I would like to take the focus away from the recent tragic event that happened.
I am refraining from linking to direct media outlets, and instead will be linking to blogs that I usually read, so that some how I can have a constant, when the world seems upside down.

In times that create uncertainty, we as human beings seek solace and comfort, as we struggle to define the moment. The definition of loss of another by death, especially unexpected and sudden death, does not have a typical "file" for us to place it in our minds.

Repeatedly asking the question, "Why?" can create internal stress, and eventually not allow our spirits, minds and bodies to heal. Once we embrace the tragic loss as something we cannot control, this shifts our energy forward. Pain and suffering is an energy.

I have written here before, and explained how the energy of love for my daughter gave me physical strength to endure 2 solid years of not asking why; but shifted my energy to seeking an answer. If I had stopped and asked why, and left it there; she most likely would be living in a psychiatric institution, and she never would have had an MRI that gave an answer; though it may not be all of the answers, it is something that is real, and concrete.

Each day I woke up when she was gone, started new for me.

Many staff never could understand what I meant by that description. I had staff ask me if I had a therapist, if I went to NAMI groups, or went to church. Maybe this is a part of my personality,or inner spirit, one may never know. Because I did not do any of that. I have never allowed "bad things" to stop me. What I did, was teach myself how to cope.

I think the word cope is not used enough in this world. Coping skills are essential to life.

Often people think that they cannot handle what is given to them. I believe it is not about what you are given, but how you handle it. All of us have heard the old saying that "God does not give you anything more than you can handle." I believe we should shift that
thought and say, "I have been given this to handle, now how will I?" "What can I do to change this situation?" and if the situation is a tragic outcome, such as a sudden death, then we can still shift our thoughts up, and over that pain, and being mindful that our pain is energy, then we shift this energy into positive.

This could mean simple things, such as feeling emotionally shot, and drained, and taking a bag of food to the local food bank.

Driving a friend to an appointment.

Volunteering an hour a week at a hospital, school, library; or even planting flowers in a planter under a bridge where homeless people reside.

When I lost a friend to death when she was ran down by a vehicle driven by a drunk driver, this is where I really had a struggle. I knew the person who was killed, and I knew the driver of the car. Each person had children. Each family suffered from the same tragic event, yet in different ways.

I found it was impossible to move forward with hatred in my spirit. A friend of mine recommended this book nearly 10 years ago, after we both sat in the courthouse when the drunk driver was sentenced to prison. We cried for all of the families.

The children, especially knew no boundaries.

Several young children lost their mothers as a result of one tragic event. One mother was dead, and another mother was sent to prison. The children's pain was the same.

This is when we say, that nothing is the same again, but it can be okay again. Even in the darkest hour, if we give ourselves time, life will eventually shift up, and over that pain, and life and love will remain there for the taking.

If I had ever given up as a child, I would have never become a mother.
~

The book I recommend reading is "When Bad Things Happen to Good People", by Harold S.
Kushner. Rabbi Kushner's writing is based on a personal quest of peace, based on fairness of a child being born with a degenerative disease.

From the book:

Page 5: "Why should he have to suffer physical and psychological pain every day of his life? Why should he have to be stared at, pointed at, wherever he went? Why should he be condemned to grow into adolescence, see other boys and girls beginning to date, and realize that he would never know marriage or fatherhood? It simply didn't make sense."

Page 66: " Laws of nature do not make exceptions for nice people. A bullet has no conscience; neither does a malignant tumor or an automobile gone out of control. That is why good people get sick and get hurt as much as anyone."

Page 70: "They certainly look beautiful now writhing in agony, don't they?"--[Joseph Heller,
Catch-22]

Page 80: "All we can do is try to rise beyond the question "Why did it happen?" and begin to ask the question "What do I do now that it happened?"
~
Peace.
~

Journalist-Bloggers

The Most Controversial Post You'll Ever Read Today; Marissa

That Guy, Part II, Dawdy

Bush and gun control, Spikol

Updates from journalists and bloggers:

That Guy: Cho and Huff, Dawdy
Tech Trouble, Spikol
Here it comes, Writhe Safely
How Was Cho Overlooked?, bipolar chicks

Another round of updates:
Dead people are mentally ill, Marissa-depression introspection
We're Not a Nation of Mentally Ill, Bipolar Blast
Electroboy On CNN, Dawdy

Another round:

I was a college student "mental patient" by David W. Oaks, MindFreedom International
The Real "Mental Health Lessons" from Virginia Tech, Dr. Peter Breggin
If not now, when?, Writhe Safely