enough of this

i'm in a system that shuts parents out. period. when she ended up in the hospital in june i was verbally attacked by one of the worst so-called professionals ive dealt with this entire time. he blasted me that her crash was my fault, that the previous year when she [as a legal adult at age 19] made a plan to return to home and school and left the residential care. he said she never should have left, it was my fault, etc. etc. then she gets out against all odds in october and to my shock some staff there at residential told me the same thing "when you took her home". I reminded them she made a goal WITH them, as a legal adult, and she went to school.

So today/ now they tell me her LRO [least restrictive court order] is expiring, and she's got to go. what? now, I remind them, basically told them that their own [they who shall remain nameless] told me it was my fault, she never should have left, etc. now they tell me they cant force her to stay there, and get this: she needs to be with people her own age.

NO fucking shit. ive been begging for this for 2 years, and last spring that system let her down, forced her to crash to a hospital for lack of prevention services, and the only way to gain housing is via a hospital discharge plan.

i basically reminded them she is 20, and they cannot tell me 2 things. shit. im damned if i do and damned if i dont. ive got one thing to say. she is their client and this system sucks.

she needs care and I told them isnt the goal to help her succeed? and why when she got there was it all about "mom give her space to allow independence"? now "hey you need to help us, she isnt doing this or that".

i really do not have anyone besides my self to go on here as far as advocacy, im writing the book.

I can say one thing more, it was pure lovely, lickable icing on the cake today, when--at the grocery store, with my daughter--we see a mental health court psychologist--you know those ones who put ppl away--as in the state hospital.

"Well, hi, remember my daughter? here we are shopping, and they said she had no hope."

HAH.

i'm in despair but ive still got my notepad. names to take and asses to kick.

i love how i saw that person in the store with my daughter.

now i just have to figure out what i suspect, is they need a space [a bed] for someone and they are moving my daughter out. what if i tell them she cant live with me?

be interesting to see won't it?

i hope none of you ever have to live like this. do you know how awful it was to hear people tell me she failed in my home, and now they want to tell me to take her home? why? so you can tell me this all over again the next time she crashes? i call bullshit.

we are exploring the few other support facilities available and let me tell you they are limited, and its like one person of authority told me, "if you were a Rockefeller this wouldnt be happening to your daughter".

im at the mercy of a shitty system and so is my daughter. i was blasted out of their offices in tears last spring when i begged them to help me when she was off meds and crashing, they shoved me out and locked the door, it was 5pm and i was crying. i guess that's not the norm.

just a few weeks later she was in the hospital. i was blamed. damn them, and each person who ever had the nerve to tell me her illness was my fault and damn them for telling me she doesnt have a space there now. i love how they twist their stories around, they have no idea i hear it all, and their own employees tell me stuff on the side contradicting what they tell me today.

not a mystery why the homeless shelters are full of homeless schizophrenics. in this state anyway. this is disgusting, i am disgusted, and ive been shoved around for the last time.

enough@!