the bell

it's the place i spent most of my time the summer of 2007 when my daughter was in the psych ward. there is a garden to walk through and it's a place i've been to for years with my daughters. one day that summer, i was sitting on a bench for quiet time after a mental health court day. i heard the bell (as i've written here before) and i had never heard it in the 18 years or so i'd been going there. it rang out such profound strength and hope that then became my symbol of hope and the place for solace i would go--and eventually in the 11th hour--when the doctor said discharge to the state institution "no hope", it would be the place i rang the bell for my daughter. i had phoned the care facility and asked if they had a bed. "one bed, and it's for a female." "will you take her?" "yes, we will, the bed is hers". I was driving my car to mental health court and made that call. i raced into the building and declared i had a place for her to go, (against the doctor's orders of no hope locked up) and we all know the rest of the story. but it was that day, after i announced to the court i found a place for her instead of the institution that would give her the care (she was very very fragile then) she needed. it was all set and i drove to the bell. this time i walked inside where one of the women was working. they knew me and my daughter and i was keeping them posted about her that summer, as they saw me enough there in the garden. "i found a place and they have one bed!" i exclaimed as i walked into the building. "let's ring the bell!" they usually don't allow people to ring it like that. the woman said "yes!" and we both went into the chapel (where they had allowed me to sit alone many times for solace) and we pulled the rope of the 50 year old bell. we were smiling like kids and the bell rang loud and clear, it was for my daughter, we rang it for her, by name, and i looked over at the woman and tears were streaming down her smiling face. i walked outside and listened as the bell sounded through the area and looked to the hills, (for where i get my strength) and it empowered me, and most of all it gave me hope in a very tense time, knowing it was indeed my last hope to prevent the institution from happening.

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today, after my daughter had her blood test, came home and pet the dog--i was driving her back and i asked her if she wanted to stop at the place where the bell is, and she walked inside with me, and there was the woman who rang the bell for my daughter.

you know what it felt like? it felt like home. i felt strong standing there, and it wasn't because of my strength, i felt my daughter standing tall next to me. she was smiling at the woman, and the woman was so happy to see her, it was an outstanding moment i won't forget. it gave me a renewed hope, when i had been feeling weary of the word.

hope rings. i feel it was part of a miracle.