monday ramble

one thing ive said out loud to others and know myself is that all of the things about my daughter's life, where she lives, what she does, how she copes, etc is up to her. that takes a lot for parents to get to that point and one i arrived at by letting go in my heart, not of her or supporting her obviously, but knowing she has to do life herself. i talk to her a lot about being an adult, having choices and decisions made for her as opposed to her choosing. yes, at times she may not be saying what she wants but i know she is capable. one thing im trying to impress on her right now while she is in the state of mind she is currently, is that she needs to somehow hear me--decide your outcome, where do you want to live, don't let people make that choice for you by not participating. doctors may think she can't decide for herself now, but i know no matter what from experience she is hearing everything. so i treat her like it, and i talk like it. so the last couple of times she's been ramped up, actually acting like a teen would to a mom, so normal really in that regard. "hi i'm on my way to see you," i said to her on the phone this morning. she said 5 solid minutes of stuff i had no idea what it was, but caught this part "i'm a cop", she said. "well you're a good cop", i said. "yeah, good cop." she said. "i gotta go i'm on duty now". she said. during all of this i toss in a few times how i will be there in 30 minutes and how i have a banana and a donut for her. yesterday she cussed at me. other times it's different, calmly eating, says good morning. lots of talk. you know sometimes it sounds like im trying to understand chinese or something. but i catch a few words here and there and they do make sense, based on memories of trips, or she will say a pet's name or her sister's names, it's like her mind is just flooded with input. so she ate her snack from me, tossed the banana peel at me, i gave it back and told her to carry her own garbage. sounds like life with a teen doesnt it? i think ive rambled on long enough here.