as i drove, i admired how brilliant the leaves on the trees are this year. the gold is so bright, it's as if the sun is shimmering all around me. the hospital environment has a view through the windows and each day i have been saying, "let's walk to the window" to my daughter and i talk about the leaves turning red and yellow, grounding her to how 2 months have passed. it's no longer summer, it in fact is autumn. i don't know sometimes how life is this way. that's when i have the underlying current of questioning it all run and i have to just take it as it is, the best i can. it's all we can do. life is that way, and for some people it is profound in situational circumstances.
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what a beautiful drive this afternoon out to a river. it was amazing, i felt i was in another world. it looked like a painting. the river glistening with the sunlight sparkling from ripples created by fisherman's boats. salmon fishing. the clouds today were fluffy and white. the leaves, golden in color created an everlasting image in my mind. beautiful. respite from life in the psych ward. i sat there today while my daughter went back and forth and ate lunch and thought about how each time she's in a hospital i have a person i never met before remain in my heart forever. several patients who over the years would consider me their loved one visiting, and i always have time for anyone who wants to talk. there is a patient today, that i noticed appeared to feel and look so much better than when first arriving. i thought to myself, wow, what a turn around. then, as i was leaving i heard the person being told that if they did not take their antipsychotic (name brand) they would then be given a forced injection of Haldol. i turned and watched the person walk to their room.
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before the elevator retrieved me this morning, the lunch delivery person arrived at the same time. " i just want you to know, that i admire your courage".
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what a beautiful drive this afternoon out to a river. it was amazing, i felt i was in another world. it looked like a painting. the river glistening with the sunlight sparkling from ripples created by fisherman's boats. salmon fishing. the clouds today were fluffy and white. the leaves, golden in color created an everlasting image in my mind. beautiful. respite from life in the psych ward. i sat there today while my daughter went back and forth and ate lunch and thought about how each time she's in a hospital i have a person i never met before remain in my heart forever. several patients who over the years would consider me their loved one visiting, and i always have time for anyone who wants to talk. there is a patient today, that i noticed appeared to feel and look so much better than when first arriving. i thought to myself, wow, what a turn around. then, as i was leaving i heard the person being told that if they did not take their antipsychotic (name brand) they would then be given a forced injection of Haldol. i turned and watched the person walk to their room.
--
before the elevator retrieved me this morning, the lunch delivery person arrived at the same time. " i just want you to know, that i admire your courage".
i replied, "she's getting out on tuesday".
i am truly not sure what the person meant, how the person meant it. left me thinking all day about it.
"thanks!", i said as i entered the elevator. the doors closed.
the sun glistened on the water, the day was a beautiful autumn day.
the sun glistened on the water, the day was a beautiful autumn day.
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painting
* "autumn path", 36x36 acrylic,
by stephany, october 2006
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5 comments:
I admire your courage too. When my daughter has been hospitalized I see how easy it is for parents and family members to just abandon their kids there.
Driving to the hospital every day can be grueling, and it's not just the miles. It's what you mentally have to go through to get yourself there every single day. It's exhausting. It takes a tremendous amount of courage and where with all to get up and do it every day.
Kudos to you!
thanks Lola
Hip hip hooray!
L is getting out tomorrow!
And it's good that you make time for other patients, without neglecting L.
And I love the picture up the top.
You are amazing Steph!
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I admire you in so many ways, and it is too easy for parents to just leave their children in the hospital and not visit. I have seen it so often. You are an amazing mother and person. I love the picture, it captures autumn, I love autumn.
I received a call that Melanie should be going into the placement within 2 weeks. Not the one that is 20 mins. from our house, but the one that is almost 2 hours away. She still has to agree, today she is, who knows where she will be in 2 weeks. They keep telling her it is not a hospital, it is more like a Boarding School, but she knows different. I pray, this will help her, as she is trusting us and the people who work and care about her. She could stay from 3 months until age 21. So many unknowns. Day by day, I guess. You have been an inspiration, so much more than you know.
XXXXXX
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