over 3 yrs ago this place happened to my daughter for 21 days until i got her out by writing a letter to the Governor due to her safety being at extreme risk from sexual assault. a prominent hospital sent her there, it was a nightmare and it's the place i fight for her to not be placed now and anytime she goes inpatient. it's the big institution. i have stories ive written about somewhere on my blog, but a few are, when i drive up it feels sacred, as i walk across the grounds they feel like a hallowed and sacred place, a place others came before and demanded respect. sad, very sad. i knew the cemetery existed, a grim reminder of lives of people who never got out and died there. in a mental institution. it was understaffed and crowded. i was used as staff with my cell phone in my pocket to call for help as we went on an outside break. my goal was to get my daughter out in the exercise yard to play basketball. i stood there looking at the clouds in the sky and thought, look where you are playing basketball. it was a mistake sending her there, that i know. i didn't, the arrogant doctor did and he played hardball with court to get her what he called "long term care". upon arrival, i got upstairs right after her ambulance arrived with her. it was pouring rain that winter morning and it's a time and place i hope remains a distant memory, yet i can tell you it's my driving force when i fight for her right to live in a least restrictive environment. many, many people do not have family or advocates to help get them out or prevent them from going there. ive met several people over the years and have heard their stories too. the same people i end up meeting in this system, and so if the drugs and care worked, i really shouldn't be seeing them over and over again. ive cried many tears for many people, i admit it takes its toll, but when i feel weary of it all, i remind myself simply, that it's not me inside any of these hospitals, and it's my daughter who needs support. it is tiring but that won't stop me. it is a life long battle, my daughter's wellness. it may not be her entire life but it sure has been a battle for her the last 3 years. the photograph of a painting in this post is one that i did from my memory of that 3 weeks. it's the road there in late winter, early spring. from memory. the low stone wall that lines the road was made by patients there. along that are trees that were in full pink profusion of blooms. each time i drove up i felt the sacred place and what it meant, the people who died there, mean something. i would think that. i always felt the need to thank them for enduring something like they did then dying there, thanking them for being wonderful people. honestly, could not believe a place like this was where they sent my young daughter. but it happens every day, every single day. i prevented by court order a doctors discharge to that place 2 years ago. they said she had no hope. "poor prognosis, no hope". i heard those words and thought for a week of walking in the rain and built my case against them. i knew she had the right to live in a least restrictive environment. with her attorney, i won. i have a story about that too, the day i rang a 50 yr old bell in a chapel in her name and that's the day i won. she did have hope. she was successful. this is who i watch over now. i watch her very carefully, because as she is in her own world now, i have seen her flip a switch so to speak and return practically over night. that's how i knew 2 years ago the doctor was wrong. she handed me a note and it was a list of clothes she needed. she had been pretty shut down that inpatient stay. so everyday now, i go. i watch her. and wait. i know one thing she won't be going to this place in the article ever again. safety issues prevail for all patients there, and it has no hope. it's very sad. one man hadn't been outside and sat and told me of his love of gardening. the next day i brought in a flower pot of living daffodils, soil and all. i held it out and he touched the flowers, smelled them, touched the dirt, and said, "they're beautiful". i'll never forget that. or those people i met for 21 days. i do wonder if they got out. it took me a very long time to get over the trauma of being in there 6 hours a day with my daughter, as it was dangerous. i stayed as long as i could to watch over her and someone still was able to attempt assault. i was locked in a visitor room with a very psychotic man. i talked him down by pointing out the view of the pink trees outside the window.
"Hart lived in a one-room cabin on a homestead in Auburn. After the birth of her sixth child, she suffered from postpartum depression and was committed in 1884 to Western State Hospital, where she remained until her death in 1914.
-
Most of the numbered stones had sunk beneath the earth over the decades.
The changing of state law connected the plots to the names.
-
A crew of volunteers with wheelbarrows and shovels has installed 164 markers in the past two years, plus an additional 31 markers Sunday.
Two weeks ago, Gosselin and her sister came back and, with the help of Lemke, located grave number 1300.
"Just because she had mental problems doesn't mean people should be afraid to look for their relatives," she said."
~
I am so moved by this story, the people have their names on their graves instead of numbers now. I have tears flowing as i type this at 4 am.
Posts
1 comments:
Have you ever read the book, The Lives They Left Behind? I bought it, because my Grandfather, who died before I was born, but had bi-polar, like my mother, was forced to be in a state hospital, in New York. This book was about some of the state hospitals they were tearing down, and in one building they found suitcases of many of the former patients. They did research on 10 - 15 of them, starting from why they were placed there, why they stayed so long (should never have) and recreated their stories with the belongings in their suitcases. So sad, yet I'm glad the story was told. The graves were very common in theses hospitals and that was also discussed in the books.
Anyway, what a beautiful picture, such emotions poured into it. Thank God your daughter has you to advocate for her, so many don't. It frustrates me to no end that having a child who is ill isn't sad and frustrating enough, but having to fight with the horrible system is just plain evil.
A brand new Children's Hospital just opened near us, I helped raise money. State of the art, huge, beautiful and then I found out not one room, not one doctor was going toward child psychiatry. With the huge shortage in our community of child psychiatry, it seems criminal. I guess mental illness, is not really an illness. Grrrrrr.
Thanks for sharing where you have been and where you are headed. You truly are an inspiration.
Post a Comment