poignant, eloquent, the gift of dignity and human kindness, in the midst of harsh reality

standing outside today in the early dark morning hours, i closed my eyes. letting out a deep breath i could feel the air was below freezing in temperature. as i let the air out of my lungs, i opened my eyes, and looked up to see the sky appear as dark ocean filled with stars.


as we arrived in the city where court was held, the sun was rising and shedding its pink profusion onto the mountains. the moon, in it's half size, was brilliant and available for admiration to those of us outside at that moment. i looked to the hills, for where i often get my strength. placing the gloves on my hands, i walked toward the building where mental health court resides.

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my daughter's advocate, and my friend

took the stand today under oath, in court and gave the most eloquent, and moving, humanizing testimony on behalf of my daughter.

where the prosecuting side had painted a picture of a "delusional, broken thoughts, incontinent, bizarre behavior" person, my daughter gained a voice from her advocate.

someone that stepped up to the plate for her. she deserved to have a witness there to speak on her behalf and the Judge confirmed that in a statement, "she was entitled to the hearing".

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portrayed for the court by the advocate was an endearing testimony, and one i will never forget.

the words became hope in the dim light of the recent days.

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the image portrayed was of a young woman, childlike in mind, happy and progressing the last year. with trips to the zoo, to restaurants, visits with her sisters, and ice cream and hot dogs during the summer.



country drives and laughter returning, and her own voice that returned.



the friend witnessed her speak after 3 years, and to be able to say that she is no longer non-verbal in court -- to close my eyes and hear this description, after the testimony the prosecuting side portrayed (in a 2 day grueling process in a courtroom) ---was a shining moment and a true victory in a place that typically never sees the human, individual side of a person.
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the last two days have been grueling, and tiring.



enduring the testimony from the very people who placed her in grave danger, testifying against her in court to make sure she did not have a "least restrictive order". the hearing was based on her breaking that order and having it revoked by the Judge to a more restrictive order, though the clock is running on the original order, the restrictive one now in place to send her to the state institution will run out very soon. it is not a 90 day order, the order expires mid-january.
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if we did not contest the hearing the prosecuting side would have been left to have their day in court and instead, my daughter had hers. it has been acknowledged by the Judge that she would not want to be returned to the institution based on the previous 21 days "sexual assault" incident, and the Judge deemed her very able to come back to stabilization, as well as "recommending to the current hospital to not transfer her to the institution until after christmas and her birthday". the prosecuting side agreed to that as did the hospital representative. no one can tell me yet if this carried over by the hospital, but one will hope that the admin of the hospital will do the right thing, individualize my daughter's case, and listen to the Judge's recommendation, which is the highest point this could go legally.
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now, she could be transferred at any time, and i will be prepared daily for that order to come through.

because my daughter had this advocate speak for her, she gained dignity, a name and a face in a system that is like a desert without water.

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so much more was said in the last 2 days and this morning was grueling for myself, i teared up a few times and as an appointed guardian was not allowed to speak with exception to her attorney at my side who would clarify and object and all of that.

my personal experience with this as a mother will be processed through time. but for now i wanted to share, that i have received something so remarkable, witnessed something so touching and moving, that it is hard to describe--the testimony given for my daughter---i will never forget it, ever.
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the last word

was the judge's and it was stated for the record, that:

"she is not a danger to others",

"she is not a danger to self" ,

"she is a vulnerable person in society that can result in harm and exploitation by others".
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so, the answer by the court, is to lock her up in the state institution to keep her safe.

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this will be a christmas and a 22nd birthday celebrated on new year's eve for my youngest of 3 daughters, in a locked psychiatric hospital.