the prosecuting team (the hospital psychologist that showed up with all of the negative charts) as part of the description of my daughter that at times had me in tears because of the way they coldly talk about her as such a non-person. "delusional, weird and bizarre behavior, appearing to be pre-occupied in her mind". my daughter's attorney objected to the "pre-occupied in her mind" statement because he defended her to say no one can understand another persons mind and what is in it.
one of the last chart notes the prosecution noted was a doctor's order in the chart last monday the 7th: "if patient refuses blood draw use force".
my heart sank. i drove her to her blood tests monthly at at times weekly when required for the last 2 years. i took her to the place that knows her (the lab) where they work with her veins that are scar tissued from a decade of blood work for depakote levels, lithium levels and clozaril levels. they are calm, kind and caring. they will often fill a medical glove with warm water and place it on her veins to plump them up, anything to make the draw for her easier. it is always painful for me to watch her sit there and grimace. but they take their time, and afterward i would take her to 31 flavors. now, i think about how i did see her on the 7th and how they woke her up to tell her i was there to visit. she came out and her eyes were swollen, and she had a blood test band aid on her arm. first thing i thought, was how did they do that when she was sleeping? on the 9th i hear the chart notes read in court, and you can imagine the respect i have for a doctor who orders "force" for the blood test. if they asked me, i could tell them about her scar tissue, or about the warm water glove, or how she needs to be hydrated first. "use force", what a sickening thought, and my daughter is in that doctor's care. makes me sick.
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the next thing that was in the last chart notes for the testimony was that "she brought a drawing she did in art group to the nurses station. it had the word "frustrated" written on the drawing, and when she handed it to the person she pointed to herself."
i cried. they don't care about my brilliant daughter, they don't love her.
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her word "frustrated" could be used for me right now. i have just gotten back home after going to visit her and they wouldn't let me upstairs because they said she was sleeping. it was 11.20am and i know lunch was to be served soon, and told them i would wait, because they surely will wake her up for lunch. i went to the parking lot and the weekend reception person (who calls the floor and they tell him to "key me up" or not) came out a few minutes later and said he called back upstairs and asked them if they were intending on waking her up. they told him NO. so my friend and i drove to a shopping plaza nearby (remember at this point we are 30 miles--40 minutes away from home) to wait to call again. weekend hours are until 2pm so i hoped she woke up...i phoned directly to the floor station and they told me an hour later that she was still sleeping.
so the decision then is to wait and wait and they can still tell us no, or go home, so reluctantly we drove home. it's such a power struggle there. so many people don't have visitors and they make it VERY hard to see my daughter. it's been a source of immense anxiety every day before i go see her, knowing i walk the gauntlet and standing their waiting for the "yes or no" to get upstairs. sometimes, certain staff will let me up anyway, and some will tell her if she is asleep mom is here with lunch or cookies and my daughter pops right up out of bed and hugs me when she sees me. i don't like to use the word hate, but i really do hate this system. mental illness patients are treated so poorly and the family members---maybe they gave up. maybe the system beat them down too. it's hard to decompress after a morning like this. i brought the wax paper bag with cookies and holiday candy in it back home. they would place it in a locked closet where she doesnt know to ask for it. so i will return tomorrow and try again.
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i wish i had my daughter's drawing, instead it was used against her in court and it's in their file. there is something wrong about that isn't there? they used visits with me against her too, like the ONE time in all of these months she was agitated and hit my shoulder--and they dragged her off to the seclusion room and made me leave---they read that chart note out loud too. they also said she kicked me which is a lie, not true--so i blurted out in court "no one kicked me!" and i was admonished for speaking out of turn, without being asked to speak. i don't care i know they heard me.
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if anyone wonders what it's like having someone in a mental hospital, trust me it isn't like having someone in a medical hospital. it's horrible, and it feels like prison.
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4 comments:
Power struggle? Yes. It's interesting that they have staff who see the world in that way... Do they engage in power games with the patients, too? But this psychologically damaging conduct is justified, by them? And "evidence" is selectively drawn, to paint the worst picture, further justifying their conduct? Jeez, their minds are fucked, aren't they?
Have them make some decisions. Tiny ones, and see where it leads (they'll probably implode). Because, Stephany, I'll tell you this for free: they're not acting of their own volition. They're recreating the world as it was presented to them, probably as children, it is the way that the world has been constructed for them, ever since, and it is the model that they understand... Inferior people are to be controlled, is the basic message that they follow, I understand. They've been programmed, in other words. Or indoctrinated, if you prefer.
Matt
I am sick reading this Steph. I so wish I could fix this. It is not right. It is not fair. And there should be laws. I will pray for answers. ((hugs)) my friend and lit candles.
The laws all go against the person, the court room is set up to defend the hospital's decision, and it's a rare day anyone has their say in court--my daughter did because i pushed the attorney to do it, gave him defense ability to do so--information to delay the first hearing was that i found out a blood test was not back! that got the 8 day delay. then this time, i brought in aa key witness to defend my daughter at the last minute, which sent all sides scambling and the proceedings ended up taking 2 days to complete.
If i had not of contested (i had the power to do so on behalf of my daughter acting as "her" in the courtroom as guardian, saying she would object to being sent to western based on the sexual assault there) the case would have still gone to the hospital side--the judge sided with them--but the good part is that we got the testimony on record that she was assaulted at western/ that she is capable of stabilization/ that she is high need and needs appropriate placement/ and the big one was the mercy plea--to have the judge recommend the hospital keep her for christmas and her birthday.
So far it's been 3 weeks since the doctor ordered her to western and ive been able to delay it that much is a miracle. ive seen ppl loaded up onto gurneys at the moment the order comes through the court.
So, now it is day by day hoping the hospital does what the judge recommended and could not officially order.
It is without rights, they have so many patient rights but they are ignored by hospitals and the court for mental health court really doesnt do much for them. i'm always behind the scenes finding housing and social workers and all of it, even now giving the attorney info to do his job.
The bottom line is this is the best i can do and it is not good enough, nor is it acceptable, and most ppl get even LESS.
It is a sick to the stomach event, that is for sure, when i sleep, it isnt really restful sleep, and i try and keep my feelings of failing my daughter in the background so i can remain strong for her.
Stephany, YOU have not failed your daughter. You have moved mountains for her.
The psychiatrists and staff have failed your daughter. They should be ashamed that they bill the government for this sham they call treatment. They damage so many people.
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