wing building

portabella mushrooms, Roma tomato, Gruyere cheese and sour dough bread. this is what dreams are made of.

after sleeping last night, as if the world stopped and my anxiety level decreased to the point of 'not conscious', i woke up feeling almost human today. a morning jaunt to the dog park, then off to the market. as i drove, the sun shined down on me as if it never did before.
--

yesterday, was a brilliant day, though a long one.

the first time taking my daughter outside of a locked facility for an outing after 5 months.

--
this girl is back

perspective: silent for over 2 years and it was like taking a quiet alzheimer's patient on drives, and eventually into stores and restaurants, and more. time. it took so much time. i had forgotten the sound of her voice.
--

yesterday, she got out of the car at the lovely waterfront area we found, just a few minutes away from the hospital.

she stopped and laughed out loud, when she saw her face in the car window reflection. admiring her red knit cap, she appeared confident. i loved watching her look at herself 'in the mirror'. she is back, and she is full of energy. i haven't had this daughter back in years. "this daughter".

it has been a long time. for many years, i struggled to remember her voice, and at most i would hear one or two words, and she energetic and participating in life.
--

about 90 minutes

on the doctor's ordered pass

we took her to the nearby dog park, she ate a treat from McDonalds, and saw a beautiful view and breathed in sea air. then she saw the basketball in the back of the car.

she asked for the basketball, and then she dribbled and bounced with gusto, all around the hospital parking lot, unlocked and free, and she was having a good time.

i dare to say, so i will, that she defied the first ward doctor's theory of her.

--

she played, had fun and shot down all of the reasons why they said she couldn't go outside.

--

back to the mushrooms

cooking is not only an expression of love, but a diversion. i will often create the recipes as i go, while spending time in the market, or while driving which gives me a place of solace.

almost like a garden.

--

IN our unusually warm January weather, my spring bulbs are rising from the soil.

i took a nice walk through the woods in the afternoon. the dog made eye contact with a chipmunk and a woodpecker making their way along the trees. the sword fern are holding vigil.

the bog harbored sounds of cheerful birds. the trees, leafless hold their branches up as arms reaching toward heaven.

---

my wings aren't perfect, hell they aren't aerodynamic either

"If we listened to our intellect, we'd never have a love affair. We'd never have a friendship. We'd never go into business, because we'd be cynical. Well, that's nonsense. You've got to jump off cliffs all the time and build your wings on the way down. "

-ray bradbury