well i just have to say having my daughter "return" this way, is surprising to say the least, even tiring! i took her to the pet shop again. we're looking at kittens playing, fish, geckos and birds. personally i have kept track of the cats that were there for adoption, hoping they find homes. especially 2 cats who are in the same window--their owner did not return home from WAR and they need to be adopted together is what their name card told, and i nearly choked trying not to cry reading that. well, they are still there, but another old kitty whose card said, "owner grew tired of caring for old cat" has a 'pending' sign on the cage. YAY. enter my world in these days out with my daughter. it's not exactly rewinding time, as that will never happen and who wants it to! but having her "here" is wild! so i drove through this newly discovered wonder plaza of stores and shops and she sees "Target". "I want to shop". then we walked in and she stopped at the popcorn food stand and wanted a pretzel. ahh the nasty stink of old popcorn while shopping at Target all of a sudden was like bliss, an island of hope and dreams. never mind, it stinks.
we looked at clothes and she totally looked at clothes. this, compared to last year where she would not even walk into most places. if she did she was a shadow. now here she is looking at jeans and shirts and i did have to take the time to have:
patience is a virtue, remember when she didn't do anything but follow you around not talking?
"Mom!" i hear her say from behind me as I was walking out to the car, i turn around, first, shocked that i heard "Mom!" from her like that, it was so weird, I can't describe it. it takes a few minutes for her to get the words out and sometimes, 10 minutes, sometimes very quietly, so I wait. "i need socks". and there is no choosing for her any longer either. she takes charge and finds what she likes and wants. by now, i am too hot. overheated in the loud store, i find myself feeling annoyed. like a normal situation. i wanted to finish shopping and we did. but wow. she's moving forward at lightening speed, but the words are slow to process. a lot of patience is needed to listen and really at the same time remind yourself , that this girl is coming back from something she said last summer, "what happened, i feel like i woke up from a coma". well, honestly from my point of view? i'm used to driving around "miss daisy" on country drives and now i'm following HER all over the stores!
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11 comments:
I just love,love,love this post Steph! Can you hear my heart singing with joy?
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Stephany, I may be a little behind here, but have you posted about what is happening vis a vis your daughter's med situation? Are they reducing them, how many is she on, etc. The only thing I recall is that the doctor said meds weren't designed for someone like her.
This is wonderful. I am so happy for both of you.
Big hugs to all, including Koda from the cat and I.
The doctor also acknowledged (this is rare if ever) trauma induced psychosis, which was at that time, being handcuffed by police, then again being lost in the october discharge of 4 days and no one knows what happened to her as far as physical assault---and upon that return to previous psych hosp,(the first one) the doc there loaded her up on Haldol shot, the clozaril and ADDED trileptal.
she got moved in december to current hosp=discovered previous hosp never divulged a thyroid issue and also removed the trileptal; and the goal was to not only remove the drugs and monitor the thyroid; but to lower chances of psychosis induced by trauma by appropriate placement, smaller living situation and calm environment. Once she entered that appropriate care---and had her own room and staff that gives a shit---she began to come out of this. it's all part of it, meds and trauma inducing psychosis.
Slowly reducing clozaril is on the charts now, and that will take time, no one wants her to crash in a withdrawal.
She is able to handle all of the outside outing situations, and without me along with her, which hasn't happened since she at least 2005 when she proudly rode the school bus home at age 17.
*key notes: trauma induced psychosis via being in the traumatic psych wards
thyroid was off-balance
calm environment with a lot of support staff
I love Target. My life is incomplete if I do not get a Sunday paper with the Target ad. Sad, I know. Seriously, though, this is more great news. And, really it doesn't surprise me. When people are treated well they reflect it as they do when they're treated badly. It also helps to not be medicated into the ground.
Hopefully, some of the folks who treated your daughter in the psych wards will read your posts and begin to recognize what those environments do to people, and see how people respond in a more compassionate environment on less medication. People need kindness, sunshine, fresh air, hell just a reason to get up in the morning that doesn't involve sitting in a stupid group or staring at gray walls for hours on end. The fight or flight response kicks in when you're in an environment where you're threatend, punished, bored out of your mind, and the staff have given up on you.
I want to cheer when I think of your daughter in an environment now where they celebrate her accomplishments and cheer her on, where she is treated with kindness and respect, where she is permitted to feel the sunshine on her arms and breathe fresh air, where she's given opportunities to socialize while still respecting her need to have a place to go where she can close the door and have some privacy, and most important of all where they remember she's human. This is what every person deserves. One of these days maybe, just maybe, psych hospitals will get a clue and decide to implement some of these novel ideas.
I celebrate with you, Stephany.
Isn't a "normal" situation wonderful?
Lisa, I know! When my daughter was young and walked into Target she said the doors opening (the auto ones)sounded like an elephants roar.
When we walked in there yesterday the roar happened and the food court scent hit our faces. i know it hit mine--familiar places---i knew it hit her too when she immediately stopped in front of the pretzels in all their glory. LOL
I should take a pic of all of the bead bracelets i made w her in psych wards "art therapy" groups the last 4 years.
she is truly showing what ALL people would/will and do respond to, and as I type this I know others from her previous wards and care place are still stuck in front of the TV.
I just got off the phone w one of her sisters who told me when she told a friend about her ordering and paying for her own lunch on the outing w/out me jumped up and down and cried all at once.
:)
heh, oh yes it is borepatch, now even better will be the day i don't 'notice' it was so normal. :D
PS--everyone celebrating the good normal day:
I've just noticed my head looks big in my photo, which reminds me that one of the hospitals the ahem, elite one, had the entire genetics team on "the case" and measured all of our heads. BIG heads meant "nut jobs". well, my youngest's head isn't big at all. not sure about mine. LOL :/
I would love to see a picture of all the psychiatric jewelry you guys created. I'm jealous. We had Elmer's glue and doilies. And, no, it wasn't Valentine's Day. I made it through one or two craft groups, and I know you will find this difficult to believe....but I became noncompliant with craft making. This led to another big red F on my psychiatric report card. My records say "hostile toward staff" - they left out the reason I was hostile toward staff. It was directly related to the fact that I knew I would be getting a bill for a kajillion dollars to cover recreational therapy involving glue and doilies. If that doesn't smart a bit, then I don't know what does.
Hi Stephany,
Great post lovely to read Lindsey is doing so well.
Big hugs.
Love,
Herrad
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