musical inspiration

there is always hope in the future and our heart must me ready to accept that hope. in the hope lies an infinite list of possibilities, plans and goals. leave the past behind, yet keep it under the wings to remind of times more difficult, and use those times to fuel the future. it is only with painful events in ones life that one can see how to live.



as a mother and caregiver, it's not a surprise to anyone who understands the undertaking of having a child become disabled as a adult is an extreme situation and one that requires constant adjustment and shifts in how one views their world. life, as once known is and will never be the same and often it takes years for that to set in as reality to parents or loved ones witnessing the change and difference in their child. I understand that, because there has been one common thread in my life the last 5 years and that is the word hope. at times, the word was something i felt was all I had to hold onto, and all that was alive in my life. it became an oasis at times and others a painful existence. it seemed, at first the lack of talking with my daughter was temporary. the words came and went and her 'baseline' leveled out. when she spoke some words yesterday at our (super great and wonderful)4th of July dinner, i thought about how great that was, and then thought about when she stopped talking, and it was over 5 years ago. i think i held onto her returning to her old self for quite some time. the only way a person can move with these changes is to move with these changes. if you try and stop it from happening (you can't) or try and make it 'better' (you can't)you'll lose time and years waiting for something that may not and probably won't happen, and in that time spent waiting, you're going to miss your life.

Life, passes quickly, efficiently and on time. with or without you, it comes and goes, the seasons change and if you've had a demise or 2 as I have, it is imperative to take the Bull by the Horns and grab on and GO. GO pursue happiness, your life, and most important to know from my owning learning experience:

You are not abandoning your loved one by living your own life.

You are not forgetting your loved one by living your own life.

Because you are living your own life, you will be there and it will be even better for your loved one. Fuel to your own tank, is what you need and when that tank is filled you will be a stronger and able to give what you need to your child or loved one.

It has been many, many years that I have driven 1000's of miles and spent hundreds of hours with my daughter in hospitals, in meetings on the road to where she is residing.

Now, it is time the tread on my tires cover some ground for me. I just took a deep breath when I typed that. Caregivers you know what I felt. Take that plunge and live. For me, it's college, scholarship apps, and a new career, a new life. The future is now.

I am grateful for this change. Life is better and it will only get better from here.