titration down has been increase in words

this is exciting and great! i've been down the path w my daughter for years to know to embrace the moment and take things as they come and a couple of weeks ago i cooked my daughter her favorite pasta for dinner. getting ready has been an increasing struggle, the time of the day passes and she is slow to organize thoughts and get it all together to dress and go out. one of the days it was out by afternoon and i knew i could cook for her. as i was in the kitchen she came rushing around the corner and exclaimed, "the cat is on the table!"

The cat was on the table! eating the parmesean cheese! (I cleared that) this was the longest sentence i've heard in months.

So today, she was ready again. this last week she's been over 3 times for dinner and a drive, and walking with the dog. we write notes to communicate. she has a slow process time w words so i will sometimes write what i said in a short sentence for instruction and she will read it and she also writes me a note sometimes--like for socks and shoes.(to go shopping)

today she wanted the notepad from my purse. she separated all of the sheets left (a few were left) in the notepad. she removed the cardboard backing and i threw that away. i sat and relaxed and thought how great it was she was having a good day. she finished sorting the papers and she looked like she was going to ask something. she said "the cardboard". she wanted that back, so i got it. she sorted the papers again and this time, handed me the cardboard and said, "put it back with the lined papers".

that whole sentence! the words have been increasing as the dose of the last med Clozaril is being shaved down milligram by milligram. this takes months if not years. no room for a setback more than she has been having, and the doctor is great and doing this wholeheartedly. time will tell about this but for now i had to tell the word increase story. the struggle to get ready for the day is at times painfully slow, and patience is the word of the day on that. once outside, we move along pretty good. i told her one day "you are stuck but i am not, so follow me" and we navigate stores that way and the pace has increased a bit so she can do more things. some days it's going to the grocery store for items and then cooking. let me tell you the smiles are worth gold to me.

this is what i mean by savoring the day and the moments. i've learned to do this more and more. i don't expect anything to be the same the next time. i take it as it comes. some days she is doing great like today and the next she could be shut down again. i picture myself holding up 2 candles or torches as a flame of hope for her. i do feel sometimes i stopped living my life waiting for her to come back. it's been 6 years. along the way i've had really stop and see how i stopped moving forward as if i was holding down the fort until she came home or something. seeing that in myself has made a difference in my own life. life is going, and i am determined to enjoy it ALL!